Never Say Never

I was chatting with my son about our days living in the Catskills in New York, and what some of his classmates were up to. We had moved there shortly after 9/11, along with everyone else who thought it was a good idea to get away from living near New York City.

Where we moved to was inhabited by two main groups of people: the “locals” who had lived there for generations, and the “flatlanders”, people who owned vacation houses and came up on the weekends. And then there was a smaller population of people who were “transplants”, people who moved there but had no roots or family. That was us.

Long story short, the living was not easy for transplant families. The was a lot of resentment and animosity from the local population. And the weekend tribe did treat many of the residents with disdain and looked down on them. We just didn’t fit in.

Many of the “transplant” students in my son’s class couldn’t wait to get out of the Catskills. They had not grown up there, and many had traveled and had life experiences that were not available to them in this small rural town. They went off to college and moved to metropolitan areas. We relocated as well to the Philadelphia area in Pennsylvania.

So imagine my surprise when my son told me that one of his classmates, Alexis deBoschnek, had returned to the Catskills. Alexis was a highly motivated young lady, and completed high school in three years just so that she could leave the area. She had gone to college in New York, and had moved to Los Angeles and was in charge of the test kitchen for BuzzFeed. So what was someone who had lived in the two biggest cities, was creating content for BuzzFeed and had worked with Marcus Samuelsson doing back in the rural hills of the Catskills? I had to find out.

I caught up with Alexis last month to see what she was working on and what had brought her back. A little more background:

Alexis graduated from the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York, but rapidly discovered that the fashion world was not as expected and the “glamour of the fashion industry was shattered”. Interested in cooking, she went on to receive a certificate in Culinary Techniques from the International Culinary Center. But she found that she didn’t want to be in the restaurant industry. Then she discovered Ruth Reichel, who had gone from working in restaurants to becoming the editor for Gourmet Magazine until it shuttered in 2009. Alexis found her niche in the world of food writing. She moved to LA and became one of the culinary influencers of Tasty, creating videos of recipes and techniques like the perfect pancake or roasted chicken. She also had her own video series, “Chef Out of Water” where she has to create a three course meal using only a coffee maker or an iron. You can watch the coffee maker video here. Alexis has great screen presence, and is delightfully funny in this series. Alexis says she is really “quite shy” but her videos say otherwise!

Enter the pandemic. With changes in her employment, Alexis decided to head back to the Catskills for six months. Her mother still lives there, and she felt it made sense to go ride out the pandemic with her. But still thinking of it as a temporary move. Reminder, this area is remote. The closest Target is ninety minutes away… not lying. So moving from LA is beyond a big adjustment. It is culture shock. She was concerned about moving back to a place where she had very little in common with the people who lived there, flashbacks of high school and her escape. Alexis was now doing freelance work and creating recipes. Her recipes have been featured in Food52, The Kitchn, BuzzFeed’s Tasty, Chowhound, and Tasting Table. Her mother has a beautiful home with amazing gardens, and Alexis found a great sense of place and balance, which allowed her to concentrate on her creative side. The area has changed, with a larger and more diverse population now living there. Since the world has finally embraced remote work, it is now possible to live in a place like the Catskills and have your career.

Six months became several years. It’s now 2022 and Alexis is still in the Catskills. She has found her creative groove in the mountains. When I asked her what was a source of inspiration, she said ” Most definitely, my Mom’s gardens.” Alexis’ mother is a landscape designer, so she is surrounded by beauty and bounty.

When I asked her about her perspective on food, she said” It is so important to use all of the ingredients so that there is no waste.” In her experiences in the food industry, she was appalled at the amount of food waste. This became her inspiration to write her first cookbook, “To the Last Bite“. Growing up with her Mom’s garden, Alexis learned how to make every ingredient last. The cookbook focuses on using the entire ingredients to cut down on food waste, save money and have an impact on climate change. Go to her website to learn more about Alexis and her life in the Catskills and to order her cook book.

I was delighted to hear Alexis’ story, and how her path has lead her full circle to a place she never expected to live in ever again.

You just don’t know where life will take you, so Never Say Never.

2020-Lemonade out of Lemons

It’s 2021 and I’m not going to belabor the point that 2020 was an epically horrible year. We all know it. We are all tired of talking about it. And we all want life to get back to whatever normal will be. During this lockdown, all of our norms have and will continue to be challenged and challenging. Since my blog is about ritual, I’m highlighting what I kept doing and what I did differently.

Experimenting Out of Complete Boredom

I think most people tried recipes or skills that they hadn’t done before. Everyone was baking bread. I have made bread in the past, so I got on the bread wagon, too. My husband loves semolina bread, so that was my first attempt. And it came out great!

Semolina bread-first attempt, not too shabby!

My second bread attempt was a rye bread. And it was an epic fail. Turns out, rye flour is waaay different from regular bread flour. The gluten is stubborn and you have to knead it for what felt like a year until the flour stops being sticky. I don’t have a mixer, so no bread hook. Now seeing where that would have been handy.. It ws a dark rye and the recipe called for molasses and orange zest. Sounded questionable but, okay, let’s give it a go.

Horrible. The loaves came out like flat round disks and the molasses and orange did not translate well into a rye bread. So off it went to the chickens. Who didn’t eat it either.

The takeaway :

-kneading dough is very therapeutic. Working with your hands and watching something change form , texture and shape is very gratifying.

-breadmaking does not always go according to plan. Hence the rye bread. But that shouldn’t stop you from trying new things.

Out with the Old

My husband and I have been married for 15+ years. But we still had dishware and place settings from our previous marriages. Everything was now chipped, mismatched and worn out. We love to entertain-when we could actually entertain- and so we took the plunge and ordered all new dishes and flatware. We are into the mid-century modern look for our home so we went with Fiestaware. A mix of colors, from orange, turquoise, yellow and chartreuse.

So…many…colors!

The takeaway :

-leaving the old behind can be very cleansing. While there was nothing wrong with any of it, none of it worked together. And it was fun for us to buy something together.

-just because something is still good or serviceable, doesn’t mean it’s good or serviceable for you. We packed up all of our old stuff and drove it to a vendor who will sift through it and buy what he wants. The remainder will get donated. Things can still be of service, but to someone else. It’s okay to move on.

Routine Creates Structure-a Double Edged Sword?

2020 blew our routines out of the water. We couldn’t go to our favorite restaurants. We couldn’t get ingredients because of panic buying. We couldn’t invite people over. I now worked from home, so no lunches in Center City Philadelphia. Forget holiday celebrations. I initially felt like I was floating in the sea with no sails or oars. Humans are creatures of habit, and our routines give us comfort. I mean, my blog is all about ritual and tradition, so this was a huge upset. Or was it?

Routines can become ruts. And ruts can get very deep, which makes them hard to get out of. And they are sometimes so ingrained in us that we don’t even know we have been locked in to a routine until the floor is swept out from under us.

So what to do? Many people found new ways of keeping engaged-hello, Zoom Happy Hour! We used to go to a restaurant every week with friends to play trivia. Instead, we did Zoom trivia. Still fun, and we got to see our friends, even if it is on a screen.

This was also the time to support local restaurants. So many people have been helping our restaurants stay open. We order take out weekly from our favs to help keep them open.

We also vowed to try a new recipe every week. We have a ridiculous amount of cookbooks that were seriously under utilized. Our new ritual is we go through the cookbooks and select our menu for the week. We then create the shopping list. Date Night is now Friday night at the grocery store (less crowded than on the weekends).

But the best change up in routine came from my son. He made the request that we don’t buy Christmas presents for each other. He wanted to just do stockings and then spend time together. Initially, I wasn’t enthused about the idea. But think about it. We give each other lists of what we want, then we get those things, then we open gifts pretty much knowing what they are. So I got on board.

And you know what? This was so much fun! Instead of working off of a premeditated shopping list, I had to go find things that he and his fiancée would enjoy. Shopping became an adventure, and it forced us to really think about who they were and what they would find delight in. Christmas shopping is very stressful for me, and I do not find pleasure in it. This was like a treasure hunt, and each and every small gift had a thought behind it. Really, best Christmas in a long time. So thanks to my son, this will be our new Christmas ritual. We do, however, need to invest in large capacity stockings…

The takeaway :

-take a look at your routines. Are they adding to your life or are they stopping you from being creative?

-nothing is permanent. Be open to creating new experiences.

-keep your routines, but add a new twist. Like our new holiday tradition, you can find delight in a variation on a theme.

There is No “Normal” Anymore

It’s now 2021. And things are still going to be hard for a while. Hope is on the horizon, and I am feeling optimistic for the first time in a long while. I know people want to get back to “normal” but that has all changed. And while there is so much to be sad about, we also can celebrate what we have discovered about and within ourselves.

The takeaway :

-working from home has made people realize that our workplaces and ourselves have been giving lip service to the term “work/life balance”. Companies were forced to realize that a majority of the workforce can work from home and still be productive. And employees have now really seen what they were giving up, with long commutes and daily grinds into offices. I foresee this way of working continuing in some form, and people will be more productive and happier. I know for me I can now get a walk in first thing in the morning. And I can throw a load of wash in during the day between Zoom meetings.

-the pandemic has -hopefully- shone a light on our humanity. There has been so much mobilization to help with food insecurity. Groups have donated meals to our frontline healthcare workers. Food bank usage is at an all time high-so donate when you can.

-Enjoy the small things. A walk in nature, time with your children, hanging out with your pets. Lots of little things add up to a big pile of good things.

Onward

To my readers and followers, I wish you all good health and new opportunities. I hope you find solace and joy, and I that you have found some delight amidst the chaos.

Be well,

Happy New year! Onward!

Blog, Interrupted

What a year.

My poor, poor blog, so neglected.  2018 was not kind to my blog.

My year began with being really, really busy at my job.  Actually, busy is  an understatement. The company I work for is growing at breakneck speed and my job is to oversee the design, construction and move-in into new laboratory and office space. Because this is a young company, they don’t know what they don’t know, so things got very hectic. Honestly, this was the most difficult project in my career. So I spent many, many hours in meetings, talking , redoing stuff, fixing stuff, etc. This went on from February until mid November. Finally, things have slowed down and I have some space in my brain again.

I was also very involved in our local politics. Here in PA, I live in a county that ends up being pivotal to elections. I decided to help make the change I want to see, and ran for a local office, which I won. OK, so I ran unopposed, but hey, I made the commitment and now have to  fulfill local responsibilities for the next 4 years. And I have learned so much about how very critical and important local, county and state elections are. I also volunteered on  a campaign for a candidate who was running for State House of Representatives. Like me, she had had enough, and against all odds ran and won.  She will represent us well in Harrisburg, and that effort was so inspiring and gratifying.

The state of our country and the world has been draining for me this year. With the current insanity in the White House, I have been angry, depressed, frightened, and just plain pissed off. Every day, or multiple times a day, things got worse. Gun violence, children separated from their parents and then dying, lies from the President, a complicit Congress, more lies. Just when I think I have seen the worst, it gets worse. Never have I felt so disenfranchised from my own country.

So when I would try and write a blog post, I struggled. I mean, people are dying, losing their homes to floods or fires. It felt trivial to write about some type of ritual or story and  food.  People are suffering, how can I expect people to want to read about  local ice cream or my latest favorite cookbook author? Writing my blog made me feel like I was being disrespectful to all of the troubles in the world.

It felt insignificant.

So, I didn’t write.   I guess it was a form of writer’s block, but I couldn’t find anything that felt valid or inspiring enough to put out there.

But then I found the fix.

I was listening to a podcast the other day, and they were talking about that annoying topic of New Year’s resolutions. But what one of the guest said was transformative to me.

She said she doesn’t do resolutions; she does intentions.

Think about that for a minute.

A resolution is an act-I’ll go to the gym more, I’ll quit smoking, I’ll spend more time listening to my kids. An intention comes with something you value. It includes what you find ethical or moral. Intentions require more of you. More thought, more purpose, more conversation, more soul searching.

Instead of a making a resolution to write more blog posts, I will have intentions of writing what speaks to me.  I’m going to turn off the judgmental internal critic that held me captive this year.

And I will write. Because I love what I write about. And I hope you will too.

Wishing everyone an inspiring, loving and Happy New Year, filled with all of your intentions for 2019.

Let’s Do Lunch Instead

I am currently consulting for a really nice company. The people are very nice, and the place is not overly corporate.  We just finished a large project and the executive wanted to thank the team for a job well done by taking everyone out to dinner.  We went to a wonderful restaurant, the food was great, and we had a room to ourselves.  The whole evening was right on point.

Here’s the thing.

I just don’t like corporate dinners.

I know, I sound ungrateful.  But I find them awkward and uncomfortable, even with the best of company relationships. For me, it is still work.  And at night, after working all day, I just want to go home.  I commute in, so I had to take a train ride that got me home late, and then I had to get up the next morning and go back to work.

I see the evening after work as my time. When I was younger, I enjoyed these events more.  But now I feel like it is an infringement on my time. I want to be home with my husband, or to go see my kids, or to walk my dogs. I spend enough time at work, well, working.

So here is my solution.

The long lunch.

Instead of asking people to give up an evening, take your team out for a long lunch.  A two-hour lunch isn’t going to make or break the business day.  And since people are already there working, they aren’t giving up any of their personal time.

A smaller segment of our team did go out to a lunch. And it was perfect. A fixed price menu with several selections was prepared in advance, and the meal was delightful.  We all had a good time, relaxed and enjoyed each other’s company.  And then we went back to the office. No muss, no fuss. I didn’t have to give up any of what I consider my personal time.

I used to work at another company, and our department would do a holiday dinner.  I was a single parent, and that meant I had to leave work, get my son home, get a sitter, and then meet them at the restaurant.  Not only did I have to run around, but it also cost me money to hire a sitter.  Another person in the department was a single parent as well,  so we approached our boss and asked if we could make the celebration be a lunch instead.  It had never occurred to them about us needing child care, and they gladly changed the party to a lunch.  So much better. We still had a nice time, and I didn’t have to run around and be out-of-pocket for childcare.

So if you are the one organizing a corporate team celebration, consider the long lunch.  It’s still a generous event, and  you aren’t asking your team to give up any of their personal time.  Your team will be grateful, not just for the thank you, but for not infringing on their personal life.

Lunch, let’s do it.